Dating for Ugly Guys: Win Her Over With Who You Are

Dating for ugly guys is mostly about one thing: getting someone to read past your photo. On the big swipe apps, a man who is not conventionally handsome can go weeks without a match, which says more about the apps than about him. On The Ugly Bug Ball, profiles get read and personality gets a look-in. Here is how to give yourself the best chance, here or anywhere.

Where a good profile wins

The Ugly Bug Ball has about three men for every woman, so the women have plenty of choice. That is not a reason to give up. It is a reason to put real effort into your profile and your first message, because that is exactly where a less photogenic man can win.

Photos that work for an ugly guy

You do not need to be handsome. You need to look like someone she would enjoy an evening with. Use a recent photo in daylight, smiling, with your face clearly visible. Add one of you doing something you love: cooking, walking the dog, playing guitar badly. Skip the gym mirror, the sunglasses, the group shot where she has to guess which one you are, and the photo from ten years and three stone ago. Our dating profile tips go into more detail.

Write a profile she wants to answer

Never write "just ask". Do the opposite. Say what you do, what makes you laugh, what a good Sunday looks like and what you are hoping to find. Specific beats impressive: "I make a very serious lasagne and I will judge your choice of crisps" gives her something to reply to. A little self-deprecation goes down well on a site called The Ugly Bug Ball; constant put-downs of yourself do not. Confidence is not about looks. It is about being comfortable saying who you are.

The first message

Read her profile and mention something in it. Ask a question she will enjoy answering. Keep it short and friendly, and never open with her looks or anything sexual. If she does not reply, move on graciously; there are plenty of reasons people do not answer, and often they have nothing to do with you.

On the date

Pick somewhere you are comfortable, so the best version of you turns up: a quiz night, a walk, a café you know. Listen more than you talk, ask follow-up questions and be on time. Our first date ideas are chosen for conversation rather than glamour. And if you have had a rough run of rejection, our guide to dating when you feel unattractive is worth ten minutes.

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